my little secrets

2008-10-29T05:22:00.007+08:00

GAYNESS.

AHA, lame stuffs we did. My video was horrible though, looked way to fake. This is what happens when its cut #2. The first one was way hilarious but my friend didn't saved it while recording. So second one was a little too unatural. Oh well. >_>

This one was andy's. HILARIOUS.

2008-10-23T02:06:00.003+08:00

I don't think I belong here.♥

I'm having a FUCKING bad day.
Maybe, it's not that fucking bad.
But apparantly, I make a big deal out of everything.
Yes, that's so me.

2008-10-12T01:12:00.002+08:00

Waiting for nothing.♥

This nostalgic feeling surged upwards, threatening to inflict the pain of those bittersweet forgotten memories. Flipping through the pages of life, we see ourselves grow, and change. And sometimes we take a little notice of some other special people on the way. Despite knowing that we're probably forgotten, we still think of them sometimes. And in our hearts, there is this tiny little light of hope, that prays they think likewise. Then again, you'll never know. A slap of reality. But deep down, you're happy. Because you know that he's no longer alone.

2008-09-25T12:35:00.002+08:00

Caught in the middle.♥

Life is full of choices.
But the thing is, which choice will you make?
Which road will you take?

The road where you will enjoy the journey,
or the road where you'll only enjoy at the end of it.

If only I love myself enough to brace through this cold storm...

2008-09-17T04:49:00.002+08:00

Everlasting pain of my loss remains.♥

Work ended a little late today, stupid customers kept blabbering.
I almost fell asleep. -________-
BUT. I learned something new today, about muslims.

The story behind why muslims are allowed 4 wives. Pretty arabic women never roam the streets alive. Because the men catch them to satisfy their insatiable sex hunger. Thus arabic women are always covering themselves with cloth. They practically cover their faces, arms, so on so forth. And it became illegal to touch an arabic women if she's not your wife. Even if you accidentally bumped into them, they can freaking sue you.

To help salvage this, a new law was made. The king gotten 4 wives for himself, this was done initially to help save women from their sufferings. In hope that this would decrease the number of crimes. And so, this culture was passed on. Sadly, it was much more detrimental, instead of doing justice to women, men now have 4 women to torture. They treat women like dirt, no respect given. But in return, this women are given everything they wanted. Material needs, wants.

But those men, cannot be satisfied. So, they freaking buy little girls from poor countries like Thailand, India, Vietnam. And places those girls in stables, cuff them up. For what you asked? Well, they are made whores.

Arabic people are rich because they have black gold beneath their feet. They get rich without even lifting a finger. Resulting in them being awfully proud. Arabic women are neither any better off though, because of that freaking law. They lift their heads up high, never giving way. Bump into them and you'll get freaking sued.

I also heard during prayers, people just leave their shops open and head to the temple. Shops are left exposed. But if anyone were to steal, they'll just chop off your hands.

Morale of the story: Arabic people suck ass.

I was like what the fuck.

This was what I heard from the customers and my collegues, roughly. Don't know if it's true or not, but oh well. It's around there I guess. It's 5.05am and I'm freaking tired. So fuck it.

Peace.

2008-09-14T23:45:00.002+08:00

With a simple touch, an opened heart.♥

I've been spending aloooooot this week. Holy.
Two new tops, two new pair of shoes, hairband, scarf, contact lenses, make ups. Jebuses.
I need to earn more. :] Got a new job at a Japanese bar called Shiori. :]

Life's the same. It doesn't matter anyway right? I mean.
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.

Peace.

2008-09-07T02:06:00.003+08:00

Rain turns me into a grumpy old lady.♥

It tears you up when you get the feeling "you're so near yet so far."
It builds up the suspense and all, and BOOM. That's that.
Maybe I just think too much, but hey. Everyone thinks.

Who doesn't? When you're shitting in the toilet with nothing at hand. You'll think of stuffs. Like, what's dinner for tonight. What am I gonna wear for tomorrow's party. Or imagining yourself as the queen of England with countless people at your command. Can be random, can be lame. Or you could even imagine yourself dancing with Brad Pitt. I don't know! It's like, hey. It's endless what the human brain can do alright? Sheesh.

To have fun, to be happy-go-lucky, to be optimistic is one thing. It's a good thing in fact! But life doesn't just fall in place everytime. I believe there should be some allowance in which a person should get serious. Instead of leaving things the way it is. What are you hoping for? For flowers to grow on it? Or leaving it there for the garbage women to pick it up? Phfft.

I have this freaking habit of magnifying shits. But it's because people just ignores them and allow it to snowball. Either that, or I'm just a drama queen.

I just believe people should converse in all levels of communication. :]

2008-09-05T03:12:00.003+08:00

Drowning in deceit♥

I need a compass in life, seriously. Sometimes it's like you're thrown into this dark empty dimension where every corner seems to lead you to the same place. Maybe life is like a maze, with no exit. It's like it doesn't matter which route you take, cause you'll end up in the same place, some how. That's when you feel like everything else is pointless, nothing else matters. Cause it doesn't fucking make a difference.

Morale of the story?

I'm just fucking lost. I have nowhere to go.
This is when I just feel that..
I need love.
Yeah that is it. I just need love in my life.
The one thing that makes blurs everything else.
Cause it doesn't matters if you're in the same place, same spot.
Because love just makes up for everything else.
I guess.

2008-08-29T23:58:00.000+08:00

Home sweet home.
Landed in Singapore at 6.15pm. :]
Bangkok, seriously sucks for noobs.
ASIA HOTEL SUCK ASS.
Will upload pictures soon.

2008-08-25T04:10:00.006+08:00

Heartfelt words across the world.♥

Look what Rie did for me! :]
She keeps saying she was nervous! Aha!
I love you Rie. :3
Oh yeah, she's from California btw.

& oh people.
I'm leaving for thailand tomorrow. :]
Swiss Int'l Air Lines
Airbus A340-30
departure at 2100hours
Changi terminal 1.

2008-08-24T05:09:00.012+08:00

I thought I had everything figured out.♥

Simon played the guitar and sang me this song. :]
I loooooooove this song.
& then it drove me back to the past a little.
Picturing the past and present as one is like
trying to fit a square into a circle.
There's no cow sense in that huh.
Sometimes we should just smile because it happened.
& not frown because of what didn't happened.

smile a mile. :]

2008-08-22T17:10:00.003+08:00

A falling reality.♥

Haven't been updating for about a month already.
Studying microeconomics on my own right now. :]

Have to seriously buck up before I leave Singapore.

I hate having arguments. This time I was selective with my words to make sure it wouldn't pick and make the situation worst. But to no avail.

Whatever luhhhhhhhhhhh?

2008-07-21T02:47:00.006+08:00

Just one out of the many.♥

OPRAH WINFREY HAD THIS TO SAY ABOUT MEN

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behaviour. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache. Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be. Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't 'be friends'. A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.Don't settle.

If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Don't stay because you think 'it will get better',
You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.

Never let a man know everything.* He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behaviour.* Change comes from within.

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...
Even if he has more education or in a better job.

Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else's man.

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending...Compromise is two way street.

You need time to heal between relationships...There is nothing cute about baggage...Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...Look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.

Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted

Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man.

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.*Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Scared of being alone is what makes a lot of women stay in relationships that are abusive or hurtful

You should know that:You're the best thing that could ever happen to anyone and if a man mistreats you, he'll miss out on a good thing. If he was attracted to you in the 1st place, just know that he's not the only one.They're all watching you, so you have a lot of choices.Make the right one.

Ladies take care of your own hearts....

Share this with other women and men (just so they know)...

You'll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare.

2008-07-20T01:31:00.002+08:00

Let's go back, back to the beginning.♥

School is always fun with amanda. :]
welcome to our second home.
the typical toilet camwhore hot spot.
we have ample seats and free flow of drinks for everyone!
and of course, we have air con too. :]
make youself feel at home!

IN THE NAME OF FUN AND FRIENDSHIP.
we touched a dead snake, probably it got squashed under the wheels like a million times or something.
AND IN THE NAME OF FUN AND FRIENDSHIP.
we smell the fingers that touch it.
ONCE AGAIN IN THE NAME OF FUN AND FRIENDSHIP.
we walked back and to touch it again, and ended up screaming.
THEREFORE, IN THE NAME OF FUN AND FRIENDSHIP.
we're in control.

AND WITH ALL DUE RESPECT.
good night.

2008-07-19T23:08:00.001+08:00

We will survive.♥

Late entry.
Went to daryll's new place. He called me and updated me regarding a few matters. And he was extremely disturbed and upset. Made a trip down to his new place and chilled. Talked things out with him. Apparantly, shit happened. And sometimes, things just don't go so well. I really hope both of them can look further and not let such trivial and insignificant factors ruin something beautiful. Despite it all, it takes two hands to clap. And if you think about it, it's not so hard to take a stand afterall. All you need to do is filter out the unnesessary, and follow your heart. :]

daryll, jiayou.
jojo, jiayou.

dar: itadakimas.
sasa: 开动了.
jojo: itadakimas, 开动了.

2008-06-22T14:07:00.003+08:00

Let's conversate under the stars.♥

DOUBT THO THE STARS ARE FIRE;

DOUBT THAT THE SUN DOTH MOVE;
DOUBT TRUTH TO BE A LIAR;
BUT NEVER DOUBT I LOVE.

2008-06-21T01:52:00.003+08:00

Talk yourself up, tear yourself down.♥

I'm working my ass off to pay my stupid modules.
& I have to deal with stupid human relationships.
When I have so much more to deal with already.
Being nice doesn't help sometimes, because people treat it as a default.
Maybe I tend to bring them over the moon that it gives people a mentality I should give nothing less.
Thats when I tend to be insensitive.
Anyway, some of them tend to be stupid sometimes.
They think funny, say funny, do funny. And there's no cow sense in that.

All this hit me like a heart attack out of nowhere.

Donuts saved me today. I think I need some tomorrow too.

2008-06-16T01:40:00.002+08:00

Donut Love.♥

These few days was horrible. Sick oh sick.
Fever, cold chills, stomach flu.
My stomach was grinding and churning non stop and made noises like a damn washing machine.
It was like mambo night in there.

Anyways I'm all better now. Actal saves the day. :3

Starting work tomorrow. Phffffts.

It's funny when I see people get so fired up over words. Words against words. And they take it into the arena. Like all how guys do it right? Hahahaha. I like peace. So I'm not a big fan of arena. :D Unless it's a tag team or something, then its fun. Anyways. Sometimes people piss me off though. Those stucked up assholes. Makes me wana pwn their asses. >_>

Oh I will, wait till I get higher. And I'll play your game. And you'll be gamed.

2008-06-06T03:28:00.004+08:00

Take me away, & keep me.♥

Photos before exams (: We mugged at Mac Cafe at Lido. Manda and I ended up bitching alot anyway. But er yeah, we did managed to study. :3 And this are exclusive photos when Sam Chua came.

((Seriously, don't ask me what this is. It just tasted hella yummeh.))

This is the pictures after exams. :D Went out to chill with Sam and Manda. There's this really funny video. But I don't really know how to upload to my blog, and I'm too lazy to find out. So just pictures will do the talking.

And this is the birthday boy. Missed his chalet, so met him up with Dar to chill. Then Julian to dota.

There, all pictures up. That was what has been going on lately, roughly.

And yeah, one thing that I can't seem to figure out. I think something's wrong with me. Or how I handle people. Pardon me, but my human resource isn't that fantastic. It seems that my cliques are telling me how much I treat other cliques better. EVERYONE thinks I'm so happening, thinks I have so many friends, thinks that I'm neglecting them if not enjoying quality time with other people more then them. They make me go like what the hell sometimes.

Yeah. Like, -______- wassup people.

2008-06-01T02:49:00.004+08:00

It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see.♥

I felt like a pathetic pea. And it's a saturday. How promising. I tried to utter words in succession with musical modulations of the voice to make myself feel better. And it works! ... as if.
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woohoo.
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.
.

do you realise, people look ugly when they sing? if you ever tried taking a picture of someone while he/she's singing. they look like a gorilla sometimes. so, we decided to be a little vain.
.
.
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.
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camwhoring is both the science and art of life. it bonds people.
hi bestfriend. your singing simply makes me orgasm.
thanks for the treat. (literally)
i love your jacket by the way.

2008-05-19T21:11:00.003+08:00

Mistake.♥

Pulling my hair off doesn't even makes me better by an inch. Maybe pulling off someone's dick might work but then again, it doesn't make sense. I feel utterly, utterly disgusted. Probably with myself. With mixed emotions I couldn't get my facts straight. And from a child I felt the ropes on my heart started to loosen. Hard it might seem but simple it is. Too caught up with life and it's complications that I forgot about myself. It may not seem realistic to be content with such reasoning but then again, what else is there left to do? It doesn't make sense in the first place so neither will it make a difference in the end. So why ponder? I know it's like "what the fuck", so a "just fuck it" will deal with it. I need a chill pill. And I seriously need to start being serious about everything. Enough is enough. I think I need to stop having fun.

2008-05-12T23:49:00.003+08:00

They come, and go like the wind.♥

FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD; is love baby.

I think all I have to think about is food. Food is the new love, the new air that I need to breathe in order to live on. Because what goes in must come out, and you just say byebye. No hard feelings. Unlike people, it gets a little too complicated that it kinda annoys me.

2008-05-01T05:17:00.007+08:00

我们之间不可能再回到从前
我还傻傻画着幸福线 ♥

I just came home from phuture. Was supposed to club with Jenn and Twinks. But thanks labour day, phuture got so effin packed and FULL. Zomg. Luckily, Daryll has connections, managed to get in phuture. But not for Jenn and Twinks. Ended up clubbing with Daryll, Cartoon and some random people. Yeah, today is a bad day to club though. The crowd was rowdy, and guys inside are seriously like labourers, working so hard to snatch girls as though it's a promotion. What the fuck? And yeah, I think Cartoon is the only person in the world who can make me laugh with just his voice itself. LOL.

Putting that aside..

How do you judge how bad someone is?

Just because the person smokes, clubs, drinks, uses vulgarities.. Does it means that the person is bad? Indecent? A delinquent? I beg to differ. To judge someone merely by just by how she portray herself seems too shallow. When there are people out there who preach and act as though they are the living example of decency, when they actually threw knives behind your back. Pointless it may be, in the name of justice and truth, their actions proove to be detrimental. Ignoring the consequences it brings after the justification. The aftermath doesn't really solves the problem, it just probably made things worst.

Sometimes I feel that I don't know me anymore. Where is the real me? I don't know, but I found another me when I found Amanda. A whole new perspective of life.

I used to feed on love. Love is like the air I need to breathe in order to survive. Love was practically everything. But it all ended one day, when both my pillars came stumbling down. The turning point of my life. Life was never the same again.. I had to live life like never before. Life was like such a burden, and tears accompanied. The loss I felt, the pain I felt, was never like anything before. I could smile it away time after time, but the tears are real. And then, I could never love again.

I tried to.

But it failed. Not because they weren't good enough. They treated me with much respect, gave me enough freedom, and pampered me like a princess. I felt the bliss of love for a while.. But. It all fades away like an awakening dream. It just didn't feel right, I couldn't feel right. I doubt I never will.

But it's okay. I came in terms with it already. (: Laughter has taken the place of love in my life. I don't think I ever wana experience that kinda pain ever again. I doubt I could withstand it a second time. Even if I want to, I don't think anyone can ever hurt and affect me that much already. Everytime I see a guy, they are just dicks to me. In which it adheres to the theory that dick is the root of all evils.

To love again is like a dream.. And you know what they say "dreams are always best when their unattainable."

2008-04-26T04:20:00.006+08:00

The battle of ethics.♥

Putting ethics aside, you may think it's perfectly fine. But zooming into the details and magnifying the corners of the whole issue, you will then realised that matters ain't as simple as you think. It will need one whole load of senatics to make it seem right and also to cover up all the loopholes in this not so ethical situation. And ethically speaking, it's not possible to look at it as a seperate issue. With all the factors acting on it, ethics becomes an excuse.. It just seems that all this are being selective, for you're filtering out information that goes against the decision you made. But then again, justify it with your mantra. Handle it at your own discretion. Because today, a point was delivered to me in the most direct way. Crashing all hopes and denying all the vibes I've felt in hope of something nostalgic. I always move on the moment someone's back is facing me. But here I am like a pathetic pig, hoping you would turn back for me. But apparantly, you've walked too far for me to even catch a glimpse of you turning back, even if you ever did.

By the way, today I've met a new friend! Thanks to a man duh dicky, my dick soul mate. Yeah yeah, I'm blogging about you my dear, please check this out. DILANGGOMONDOMKINGFRY NOR! You know I love you, because you don't have a dick. That's the part where I climax.

2008-04-24T01:44:00.003+08:00

dick, dicky, dickyness.♥

Amanda and I had come in terms with the law of dickologies. We always say the dick is the root of all evils, and I don't think we will ever be wrong. The dick holds the soul of a guy. The dick is practically a guy's heart, the reason it beats man. All guy abides their dick more than they abide their mom. Thats how the word dick head comes about. Normal heads just don't cut it, its the DICK HEAD that does the thinking. Dick promotes evil. They motivate guys to work, to earn money. To bring home and feed the wife. Wife rewards him by giving sex to him, in return kids pop out. As time goes by his dick gets itchy, and he will give one whole bull crap of dickology crap to justify whatever reason of being stressful. Ended up buying condoms and food for energy, in order to get more humping action in geylang. Which creates one night stands and affairs. Which results in broken families. It begins with a dick, it ends with a dick. Therefore, the reason for living for guys is their dicks. They live to satisfy their dicks. The dick is the king of all kings. Pathetic it may seem but you'll be surprised what a dick can do to a guy. It can make him all tall and mighty, in the next minute bring down this egocentric man making him beg for more.

Welcome to the world of dickology.
Where the dick makes the world go round.

To be continued ...

2008-04-16T02:15:00.005+08:00

Our inverse relationship.♥

12042008: Movie night with the girls.

13042008: Drinking at 6am with friends :D

Just finished Mircoeconomics project. Heavy burden on the brain.

Anyways, I wonder what fate has in store for me. I seriously have no intention of finding out. Pixel perfect has fallen in love. Pixels just don't cut it uh? Bye sweetheart.

Oh yeah, loser pulled a stunt on me today. I wonder how can such losers exist in this world. After committing a mistake, instead of repenting, they turn around and bite you. Justifying themselves conveniently, accusing you. How sweet of them. Seriously, the dick is the root of all evils. When a guy can lie about not having a girlfriend, he can just go fuck off and die. Seriously, nobody will give a flying fuck.

This goes out to all the losers in the world. Eat my _|_

2008-04-07T02:00:00.002+08:00

Tell me how can I tell you,
That I love you more than life. ♥

Why do bad things always happen to me I wonder sometimes. And to think I don't have such luck for winning lottery. What a joke. This is the second time somebody's girlfriend called me. Whatever. I'm going to stay out of this shit. Yeah, I had a huge fight with bestie, again. I think we get into fights pretty easily. Was I seriously being an ass? I don't know. But it seem that he magnified the results of my actions on himself. So much, it really depicts me as an ass. When I have no intention of being or behaving like one. Its amazing what great impact I can cause at times it makes me wonder. I meant no harm in my actions or words. But he said one line that hurt me. He said I looked upon him as a tool taking advantage of this friendship. And when I said I was hurt, he said it was retribution. I guess I really hurt him that bad. I'm sorry then. He was fast though, logged in Saeko and took everything back. He really is, nehs. (:

He's still very mad at me now, I think. I knew this would happen sooner or later. It always have, and I guess it always will. That's why he is dmg. Both my curse and my blessing.

2008-04-03T23:29:00.002+08:00

Give me some love.♥

Seriously, besides material needs and wants. All you need is just love. That bittersweet word. When you have it, seriously, everything just seems to fall in place. You don't seem to need anything nor anyone. For when you're with the right one, you won't even see anyone. And anywhere is everywhere. For it doesn't really matters. I always believe love completes a person. Love fills a person to it's maximum brim. Without love, life is never complete. For only when there is love, there is life. Isn't that how we came about anyway? Human beings are the fruit of love, or so it may be.

2008-04-03T04:10:00.006+08:00

Those eyes of yours,
They melt my heart,
But froze my soul. ♥

Life's too short and too simple. Hence I need to cast away those factors that influences my decisions. Yeah, I should just go for what I want without investing anything more. Of course, I have to adhere to the opportunity cost standard. I should recover as fast as I fall in order to meet optimal gains. Now I sound like a financial adviser. But I guess I get analytical when things go out of hand.

Because.

I can't get what I want. And it's just me trying to be funny. I just have to get what I want, if not I'll just keep chasing it, endlessly. Not because I really want it, maybe just to satisfy my ego. I know, I sound like a pathetic pig. But it's okay, I'll just have fun as it goes along. I need to get used to this.

I can't wait to go to America.
I miss Shyon.
I want quality attention from you. )):

2008-04-02T20:18:00.014+08:00

You were just having fun. ♥

BBQ with secondary school friends on 31032008. (: @ West coast. My job was to eat, drink, laugh, smoke. Yeah. :X I didn't really helped to cook or clean up. After that, went drinking with um, Chris, Keat, Cal, and Kovi and some playground. Yeah. Anyway, it's #3 I guess. Seriously, this streak if freaking me out. But oh well, we're all just having fun. The night is still young man. And seriously, I'm still in the holiday mood. Fuck.

Ta dah! Here are some pictures.

And no matter how lousy I feel each time, Shyon makes my day. :3 Too bad, he seldom gets online. He really is my little cheer berry. (: Hearts.

2008-03-30T23:22:00.004+08:00

I feel like a lump of dung now. I swallowed my tongue stud's lil ball and broke my entire toe nail yesterday. My legs are hurting, my mind is blowing me off my feet and my heart is thumping in a irregular rhythm so annoying it might even hurt. I think sometimes I really have issues. Like what daryll said, I tend to get depressed from time to time. Sometimes I have this sense of urgency, like time is moving too fast and I can't seem to catch up. I will start running. (LITERALLY.) Like speed up whatever I'm doing in real life. Sometimes, I get emotional over no reason, and all it takes is a little provocation to burst the bubble and make me cry.

I'm super pissed with myself you know. Seriously. Oh my god. Carissa, for corn's sake. Quit being a loser, if not you're gonna be like HER. Yes that trying so hard to be a bimbo girl. AHHHHH, stop holding back Carissa. Life's simple and too short. You can't afford to waste time to whine and regret. If it backfires so be it, you won't lose anything anyway right? RIGHT. So, quit being a fucking bimbo. Be practical, and be kind to yourself.

Life isn't the same when you grow up. From a surreal world, where roses are red, you moved to a practical world, just like how roses has thorns. Just like love, it's never the same. It used to be like what? It's not about sharing an umbrella, stealing glances and blushing, sending each other little love letters anymore. Those might be cheesy but these teeny romance proves to be orgasmic. Now? It's just sex, sex and still sex. I know lust comes along with love. But I don't know why it seems so wrong. Isn't lust supposed to come along with love? Now it seems love comes along with lust and sometimes lust just comes alone. Now love has no more room huh? It's sad how things turn out to be. Because of this you'll never know when a guy is true or just after for sex. Sad huh? I'm not stereotyping, just being practical.

I'm gonna sound crude but hey. If a piece of cheebye dangling in front of you, FOC one. You take or not? TAKE RIGHT? See. Just like how you ask every guy this same standard question. Do you go to geylang? They'll say no, but my friends do go, and I heard... bla bla bla. Cockster. I have a comical scenario going on in my head, but I'm too lazy to share.

Thats why I believed, AIDS, STDs exist. To kill off all the horny people in this world. God's way of punishing people who take advantage of this sacred ritual. I believe sex is something sweet and should only happen between two people who are in love. It beings them another level of understanding and bonding. You might think I am gaying. Maybe a little. But let me just sound classy for a moment okay. Like some demure girl. I think to guys right. Sex is just having a "kang" to scratch and massage their little stick dangling between their legs. And they like to have different "kang" treatments. Yeah. The dick is the root of all evils.

But I still want a boyfriend.

Oh i hate myself.

2008-03-30T04:55:00.006+08:00

Here am I at phuture, again. Clubbed thrice this week. Like wow wee. I guess this is how I spent my last week of holidays. Been coming back home early in the morning like everyday. Not trying to justify but hey. I'm savouring the last week of my holidays, no harm right? (: Drank a lil too much today though, got a little tipsy, danced a little too much. Heh. Anyways, was happy hanging out with Jenn and her nice lil friends. Randy is funny when he drinks a little too much though. Hahahaha. Anyways, it's been fun. (: And yeah, I seriously broke my lil toe nail. THE WHOLE THING CAME OFF OMG. wtf.

PS: Yeah, I think it got to my head. That nana shit. It will die down, just like how it always happen.

2008-03-29T06:11:00.004+08:00

I was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bored at home. And daryll couldn't make up his mind on where to go. One minute he asked me to go over to sengkang and play majong. In another second he asked me to go to cartoon's chalet. Next second, he said to go down to geylang and have durians. Fickle minded he is, he suddenly wants to go phuture. In the end, he cancelled every single damn shit. And called me back in an hour's time and asked me to get dressed and head down to zouk. -_________- Oh whatever, I was bored. Nothing to do, nowhere to go to, no one to company me. So off I went to zouk. Irene managed to brought us into phuture. Heh. Guess who I saw, I forgot his name. But he's Jon's bestfriend or something I think. And I also saw the two tall guys. Yeah Jenn's friend. Okay whatever. Danced till I dropped and this is how i spent my pathetic night away.

PS: Mind over matter. Logic over hormones. Like this, like this, like this. I should just get over it.

2008-03-28T18:02:00.002+08:00

Logic and hormones don't go well together. Stop that japanese blood shit issue. Oh my god.

2008-03-27T05:58:00.001+08:00

Haven't been blogging for a looooong time. I guess I just didn't know where to start from. So much has happened seriously. Yeah from like Twinkle's birthday party till today. And I even dreamt of having a broken nose. Don't ask me why, cause I won't know. And oh yeah. I actually had this big tiff with Daryll. Over you say? Yeah, over ~~darkages.~~ How ironic huh, darkages makes and breaks people. Some silly pixel video game. But during Twinkle's birthday party, I saw him at Zouk. We ended up dancing and we made up. I just can't seem to remain angry at him. I practically squealed in joy when I saw him. So did he. I guess bestfriends just can't remain angry at each other forever.

Oh yeah recent events. Me and Amanda are literally gay. We freaked ourselves out major. LOL. We had some quality memorable outing. Despite it being the only one during the whole holidays. I enjoyed it major. (: HEARTS TO AMANDA. And oh oh. Chilled with dmg yesterday and today. Resolved some issues between his homicidal friend and the ex girlfriend stuffs. lol. Oh well, at least I made some new friends! Clicked well with Shiying. And yeah, found another gay friend that can gay with me as much as Amanda. I was like, so surprised. Lol.

Went clubbing today at Phutureeeeeeeee. First time with dmg at phuture. Fun fun. Met Irene pohhhhhh today. She gave us a treat. Flaming AK. Omg, that got me man. Seriously. Me and dmg was like seeing stars already. I drank slightly more than him but he was like much more of a wreck than I was. Lol. Anyway had a great night. And oh! I saw Shaun. Was surprised he recognised me. Lol. Chatted a few and yeahh. Rock the dance floor till 4am, and I was beat. Hell yeah, legs are aching major. But overall, maxi fun. (:

And yeah, thanks to Irene. She sent me home. Alright, imma wait for my hair to dry then imma hit the bed man. Lol.

2008-03-08T01:21:00.004+08:00

All those heartfelt thoughts
& sweet whispers fade away
like an awakening dream.

& I thought I was strong enough. I thought I got it all under control. Even if I couldn't cast it all away, I could put it aside, at the furthest corner. But a quick glance with such uncanny resemblance was all it took to break this barrier of defense I struggled to keep up. My heart throbbed and leaped, until I was able to affirm that it wasn't. This is so gay. I hate it.

Been having alot of msn request from random people. I don't even have a fucking hi5 account. But they mentioned my msn was taken from there. Gay.

PS: I just murdered a lizard. Apparantly, insecticides don't really work well on em.

2008-03-04T01:05:00.005+08:00

Exams are over! Wheeee. But I didn't do well for MA. I might fail :( I didn't know if you absent yourself on the day of examination you could defer the exam as long as you have a MC to certify you're unfit for exams along with a parent's letter. So many people pulled that stunt! Lol! Wanted to parteh at zouk after exams, but I was too tired. Went home and slept 13 hours straight. Lol! Anyways, went out with Jude today :3 Ate Ayam penyat! And korean cold noodles. Yumyum. Jude's such a gourmet. He knows all kinds of good food. Hahaha..

Went home and cam with eileen :D She's hilarious. Love her.

Going out with maid and scandel tmr then for job interview.

:D:D

2008-03-01T00:29:00.002+08:00

I'm dying. I'm stuck with managerial accounting. It's killing me seriously. HR and marketing as suprisingly pretty easy despite me doing last minute revision. At the least I know I'll pass luh. But MA is really killing me. I know nuts about MA and I'm awfully tired. Zomg. Not going zouk tmr. Its HSH and hello sexy bed.

I doubt I'm sleeping tonight. Fuck it.

Oh yeah, the picture was taken after HR exams. We threw our notes away. (:

2008-02-27T23:35:00.007+08:00

Gaying in school.

Omg luh. I'm mugging marketing. Still have a long way to go. And I have to wake up early to send an aunt off to the airport. And then go facial with mommy. Then meet up with mandy to study. Sigh, exams are such killers. Been drinking green tea like a mofo. Hawhaw.

Seriously, mandy and I have serious isses, we always attract weird flies. LOL. Not that we're smelly and I doubt you'll understand if I explained. And there's always this two birds following us. Damn gay.

Our new rap:

I don't feel like going home today, just wana lie on bed and talk.

I'm feeling adventurous.

The night is still young.

Why are you so uptight!

Snap out of it!

I need to find a uptight bra.

And take it off. (Then in)

Bin! (Optional)

Kick start my engine.

Mala Mala.

Late majority.

Mut Mut Mut Mut!

FAIZAL!

Early adopters.

Purposely sia this person!

AHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHA. And seemingly like telepathy, she knew what I was thinking. And we both understood such language. Fucking gay. HILARIOUS.

Random meter burst long ago hun. :3

2008-02-22T23:44:00.019+08:00

Jordin Sparks - Tatoo.
I will never regret you.
Still the memory of you.

Marks everything I do, oh.

Neither here nor there. Just nowhere, stranded between crossroads with multiples small pathways to choose from. Each beckoning to me. Here I stand in a beautiful lie, looking back at the fragments of memories that once had much power. In hope that fate has something in stored for me in the future.

Anyway, there are many purpose of this blog.

Firstly, blogging helps me distress, unwinds, and it's also a place where I can vent my anger intellectually with no constraints. Secondly, it helps me disseminate information indirectly to certain people. Thirdly, it's also to update some friends of mine a little about my life especially when we do not have the time to meet up. And not for people to use my blog as a source of information, distorting the little truths to fabricate tales to rumor about. Anyway I don't fancy getting involved in any politics in the class. I couldn't care less how stupid people judge me through mere rumors spread by some ~~bitching monger.~~ Cause apparantly she's applying the wrong marketing strategy. When one gets too greedy and attempts to satisfy the whole market just for profits. One will realise in time that it is such a naive move. Because by doing so, you reap for harm than whatever you sowed for.

And I think I made myself look damn loser today. -______- I'm not going to do anything already. Acting aloof works sometimes when you're just a third party. Mandy, you go girl. I mean it literally. LOL.

I hate embarassing moments. I'll just keep repeating the scene over and over and get so annoyed by it. LOL. Omg, I feel damn LOSER LUH.

2008-02-18T22:30:00.006+08:00

I want your pubic HAIR.
You'll be a billionHAIR.
You'll be a HAIRYMAN.
HAIR. HAIR. HAIR.

((: AMANDA commenced ATTACK today on MUTMUTMUT.

Such unprecedented experience. If I had to put a tag on it, it'd be priceless dood.

Oh yeah, I have a new ambition. After establishing the gay society, I have changed my whole marketing strategy and mission statement. I now am a marketer of pubic hair. (: Yes, I market pubic hair. I have strict and steady resources, and have proceeded to product & market development, and also established diversification. Amanda is one of my loyal customers. Heavy consumption on pubic hair. I market pubic hair into wigs, also packaged into small little packets for consumer's usage. How to use.... Shall be further demonstrated by my partner, Amanda. She paid a million for it by the way. Exclusiveness comes with a price.

Besides deliverying customer satisfaction, we aim beyond to delight our customers. Special services bundled together with every bulk purchases. In which customers can have first hand experience in how we actually obtain our raw materials from reliable resources. Such complex processes sometimes leads to unprecedented creation of new products. Like sunflowers! Of course with a dick growing out of it. Thanks to the semen pollens collected from our cute home grown bees.

Further information is always avaliable. Pop me a e-mail for more enquiries.

Thank-you.

2008-02-13T22:34:00.002+08:00

I've been lazing around restlessly like a ~~mofo~~ when my exams are inevitably near. I'm mortified at my lack of urgency. I did study, but not enough. Not enough to make me feel that it's enough at least. Been very burdened by lotsa stuffs though. I think my family isn't normal. No one is. All my siblings have issues. They need a shrink. All of them. Maybe the youngest one might be the closest to normal. And I have no choice but to shoulder this nonsense and deal with it. Thinking about it makes me wana puke. Urgh. They have buttholes instead of brains in that stupid head of theirs.

Giving me so much additonal work to do, when I already have plenty at hand.

Tomorrow's Valentines Day. How gay. Not once my Valentine's Day was celebrated with much glee. But it's okay. I'll stay home with marketing text book as my Valentine. :3

Pixels? Oh yes, I've received Valentine's gift from a pixel toon. (: But I'm waiting to give another his gift. :3 Which is why, I'll be up early tomorrow! Been so long since I've last saw that pixel toon.

Okay back to mugging.
And after my exams, I'm gonna do a whole new layout.
A super duper nice one :DD

2008-02-12T00:50:00.000+08:00

In life, I believe the most important thing is to be aware of what you want and what you are doing. But I'm not sure what I want and I don't know what I'm doing. How pathetic. Phfft. I don't like numbers, resent maths. Yet the path I'm heading is full of them. Am I regretting? Sigh. I adore adobe, designs, animation, multimedia. Yet here am I, and the opposite polar. Thinking of me working in a office, dealing with numbers everday freaks me out. But what can I do now? Sigh. I just have to go through with it. I have to be mature, and brace myself.

Daddy said I'm not a strong women when he see how I squeek at every single thing. Like a spoilt sheltered princess who does no housework. Whine at every single thing. Threatening to fall apart any moment. LOL. I guess I'm really pathetic.

I guess I have to fall in love with maths, numbers, graphs.
And my dream to study overseas seems so bleak.
Sigh. I'm so clueless. So lost.
Whenever I'm lost, I think of someone.

anata wo zutto kangaeteiru.

2008-02-10T00:59:00.000+08:00

To be able to love someone to a degree that you are not able to live without feels so nostalgic, so painful, yet worth reminiscing. Such bittersweet yet a feared longing. So contradicting it makes my toe wriggles. To have someone build you up only to let you fall is such a tortue. But somtimes, being at the peak with the love you truly love is so euphoric it can dissolves and make every suffering worth it. A heartbreak will only hurt because it found a reason to be whole. Such achievement brings consequences. Like the ways of life..

I wana love again someday.

2008-02-02T01:53:00.001+08:00

My day started of being splendid and all. Thanks to my pixel toon hearthrob. He is love. (:
Makes me gleeeee like a crazy lil mofo.

And then school. Then home. Then DA. Then polish.

Then went to to visit aunt tracy as they came from austie. Big hugs and kisses. Imagine a cute white. Uhh, I can live with that. LOL. Anw love shannon. He's grown to be such an eyecandy. When he grows up, I think he's gonna be a super major eye candy. Hahaha. He just looks so sweet.

Home sweet home. &&&&&.

CASTLE WAR. Europa attacked us. WEEEEEEEEEE.
It was fun. I died like 4 times though.
And a female bard went, "Try Harder."
Next minute, she died. HAHA. :X!
Oh well, we won. (: Yay. Shini is love.

And then. I got super grumpy. Because of the silly project, and because of someone's sacarsm. Screw sacarsm, it's like insults that are funny. FUCK IT. OH AND, WTF? Someone spent 2 whole fucking hours just to choose the correct shade of the background. IGNTS. And couldn't contact Sam, cuz she's watching a movie. And here I am, wondering if the powerpoint slides are okay. Cuz there are only two points stated, plus I don't have the stupid question paper.

It's 2am and I'm god damn sleepy. Gonna wake up tmr at 6. Night.

2008-01-29T23:34:00.001+08:00

STUPID PIXELS.
you got me so angered and affected.
but i miss you. :(

2008-01-29T01:27:00.000+08:00

Its kinda sad when you realised your feelings are not reciprocated fully. Just like how'd you get all excited when the person appears. And how anxious you are to speak to that person. And stuffs like that, it's like that person's appearance consumes all your attention. But sadly, it doesn't applies to that person. Sometimes, he's even nonchalant to your mere existance. And this makes me pissed, but then again. I know I'm throwing a silly tantrum. Maybe leos just loves attention aye. We might not really desire it, but we just want it. Just to prove we can have it. Sigh, that sounded so mean. Those are just people behind pixels, it's stupid to even feel for them. So I should just get real. Hahahaha.

But I do get bugged when people ignore me. I can't stand it. I'm not like wanting to be liked and favoured by all. But I do expect a little more respect and concern. I might be asking too much, but that's me. I'm a leo. I can't help it. I just don't like the idea of getting anything lesser.

ANYWAY.

I had hella great feasts these few days. Went to eat sushi with krystal yesterday, and today with amanda and raine. It's cheap! But today, I ate ALOT. Lets see. 1 udon, 2 cha soba, 2 chawamushi, 1 fried tofu, 1 fried maki, 1 squid sushi, 1 marinated salmon sushi, and mochi ice cream! Is it alot? o_o ehehe.

I' going to bed soon.

I need my attention from that long hair cutie! *TUGS

2008-01-24T21:35:00.000+08:00

Such a major turn of events, that I don't even know where to start blogging from.
I feel nostalgic, and a little disappointed too.
It seems like everything and everyone I invested in sincerely.
Seems to fall apart. ):
Maybe it was all surreal. That's why it shattered so easily.
Maybe I'm the fool. Well, I guess I was the fool.
But it's okay. Playing the fool is harmless at times,
but if playing the fool is detrimental and the end of the day.
Then I guess we were all just wasting time.
One encourgage and spur me on, the other enlighted me.
We made a breakthrough. I guess, it's my subconscious character,
that enjoyed such victimization. I don't know any way to further elaborate.

Whatever it is. It doesn't matter.
I'm wierd, so I'll just deal with it.

They say human beings are selfish. Hence,
Bestfriends remains as a fairytale.
& that all good things comes to an end.
But I shall hold on to that little hope, that someday.
Maybe, someone will think otherwise, like me. :3

I have no bestfriends for now. It's okay.
I'll deal with reality for now, but I won't give up that tiny hope.
In hope that, I'll fine someone true enough. (:
& for now, I still have friends, who care. At least.

2008-01-21T22:55:00.000+08:00

Today is a very fucked up day. How I hope I can turn back the hands of time.
I don't know why I got myself into such a fix in the first place.
Making things so complicated, knowing I'm not apt to handle it.
I really have an issue.
I think I'm just plain greedy that's why.
Maybe I'm just gay. Yeah, I think I am.

Put the blame on me.
I need some raw beansprout.
Lie to the sun and moon so we can have some fun.
You make me so high we could fly.
Give me ciggs, so I can turn into a chimney pot.
So I can play among the stars.
Cash my piggybank in for a mercedes.
How I stole that smile of yours and hid it below my pillow.

Carissa is gay.
Dmg is hearts.
Amanda is love.
Sam is sex.
Jude is erbie.
Hoon is lesbian.
Eileen is mia.
Krystal is idk.
Shyon is smiles.

Oh yeah I burnt that artistic piece of paper with all my fustrations with my cigg butt.

2008-01-20T02:53:00.000+08:00

SPILLEDMILK.

So much bottled up in me now. It's like a storm of emotions flying all over threatening to break the sky apart. I just got cheated of an item that I wanted to sell in game. Being too impulsive, I sold it when the offer people made jumped nearly twice. Sad to find out that it was worth like, thrice the amount people offered. Utterly gayed. Being nice really doesn't pay off. Mean people who have zero sense of guilt and conscience gets it real easy. How am I supposed to believe in the retribution, and the saying "you reap what you sow". When the mean gets meaner and better off, and the poor gets poorer, not to say getting more pathetic by the second.

And bestie claimed he quarreled with his girlfriend and made me wait endlessly for him, again. Sigh I'm trying to be understanding, but I can't help feeling fustrated with it happened like so many times.

Let's get to the main highlights of this post.

Twice. People labelled my thinking as, what. Immature, young at thinking, don't know how to think, or whatever bull. Seriously. Do I really look that noob? Oh my god. I god damn think more than you think I do. Chris said I'm new and inexperienced with the affairs of the heart. Oh really? I've been through much to prove that wrong. Point stated, and proven. Having no control of my erratical emotions doesn't mean I don't know how to think alright. I have this wierd appetite for romance that cannot be satisfied easily by the means of commoners. I know I'm wierd and maybe mean. But, fuck it. I don't know how to justify myself. Not giving excuses, but when I don't feel, it just simply means it's over. The reason why I don't clarify, is because. I don't love or hate enough to end it in a way you deem fit. All of em, did me no wrong, and loved me for who I am and with whatever I have. Did things with my best interest at heart. Therefore I wanted to end things in a way thats best for both of us. Because the flaws you hold can always be wavered off if there's true love. This is also god damn tested and proven. I'm a ~~fool~~ for true love, I can assure you.

But shit just happens anyway.

Luckily I have gay friends to fill up all the empty holes I have flowing with negative ions. Everybody played a little part, at least. And some random people who just showered me with all the long sayings, which I already know. But still, thanks. Cause they wasted a few minutes of their entire life on a whole load of crap to me. Still, much appreciated.

I need a break. Its home bitter home after work tomorrow, and I'm gonna sleep like a pig. Cause I only have 2 hours of sleep before I work. I get so contented and disappointed so easily, what's wrong with me..........

2008-01-15T22:24:00.000+08:00

BAXTERSARE~~THRUSTWORTHY.~~

To follow what may seem right or to follow what may feel right. The question is, to be or not to be. In fear of the path towards regrets again, I struggle. But deep inside I knew I was heading towards a path I may spend my whole life lamenting. However, I'm fully aware that I'd choose the exact same path if I ever had a choice again. Thats how contradicting I am. Just like how I always asked myself. Is there a need to be considerate and kind, when none will reciprocrate? Been there, done that. Yet I was dealt with only much shit. And if because of such angst, I might just do what they did to me. And won't this turn out to be a vicious cycle? Life is so confusing sometimes, well maybe human are more confusing. Wierd beings.

Amanda and I, we are officially gay by the way. I don't know how to explain to you guys. But yeah, with all the BAXTER shits, and the MUNTAO, THRUSTworthy. Haha. She's some cool lame girl luh. (: & Sam was hot today. Took pictures but lazy to upload. I'm lazy to even type, but I'm still typing. XD

I erbie Jude. He helped me umm, correct my grammar and stuffs, and edit my short paragraph on microenvironmental factors, under the point of competition. Because he did such a good job, I asked him to help on the other factors too. TEEHEE. I erbie him! But he said he'll try cause he has law presentation to do. >_>

AND IM GAYING WITH AMANDA ON MSN. <3
Amanda darling, what doesn't kills makes you stronger.
Remember to use my LIE translator detector. It helps.
Well-behaved women ~~seldom~~ make history dear.

I realised I have many gay and lame friends. I erbie all of em' <3
PS: Erbie is love.

2008-01-06T03:01:00.000+08:00

ziggyzangyesi~~hate~~me.

you know how people make themselves feel better or feel worst? to either have the mindset that there are people much worst off than you, or hella way better than you. this kinda mindset is a double-edge sword. and it strikes deep. there's 0% optimism in my entire homosapien body. i don't like to, but i have to embrace this fact. for it remains etched deeply under my very skin, and i just can't seem to shake it off. it's really bothering me so much, and i'm feeling so lousy thanks to that.

maybe if i had #IT, i won't have to deal with all this. if only i had #IT, i can jolly well heck care about all the shit thats bothering me now. those shit won't even mean anything to me, it just doesn't matter. yeah, thats the power of #IT. i can be contented with simply life itself, if i had #IT all my myself. or maybe it's a trick. a human contradiction to usually overate something blatantly just because they can't seem to achieve it. maybe i'm just over reacting to justify my rants.

i don't know how well i can nullify all the negative thoughts i'm having currently, but i know i can at least improvise a little. sigh, i feel so pathetic now.

and yes, i realised. humans are really funny creatures. you just have to let them have the hard way, and they just might do something they claim they never will just to satisfy you. try to be the nice guy, and you will always be the bullied one. you have to bully people to pass across the message that you are not to be bullied. hahahahaha. how lame.

i need a good night rest to recuperate all the energy i lost during clubbing.

2007-12-30T20:49:00.000+08:00

picturesthatare~~frozen~~intime.

I think my blog is so dead. Maybe because I killed it. Sometimes life seems to be full of hope, sometimes it just seems so boring and meaningless. All the colours cease, and fade away like an awakening dream, like an old vintage video. Maybe because I made it so. Too lazy to catch up the pace everything is moving. My time has always stood still, and accelerated a little, then stationery again. So unpredictable, yet not unexpected from the likes of me. Knowing that, I'm just too lazy to be bothered. When will this streak end. Nothing strong to hold on to, all those temporary memories, that I just wana ~~throw away.~~ Memories has no powers. Their just a stack of bitchy bullshits of past that holds you back, that makes you reminisce and blind the eyes to the future. There's no hidden agenda in any of my sentences. I'm just being random, bored, and just sick. Sometimes life just amazes me, like a streak of optimism is injected in me. I just get so happy, contented with everything. And sometimes I just feel so screwed up, cursing and swearing at my life and at life itself. Like its end of the world that sorta thing. I don't know what I want seriously. My mantra of life is twitching like the pin of a compass, flying in all directions. Phfft. Even after all this ranting, I'm still not appeased. I'm getting pretty fustrated and irritated at the slightest thing. I even scream at an ant just because it was being such an eyesore. See how mean I can get? Maybe I should start socializing. I should talk to more people. Then maybe all these would go away.

Just ~~maybe.~~

2007-12-28T01:10:00.000+08:00

singthenotethattugsmy~~heart.~~

kboxed with da and ber. (: i think i sang the most, both of em mada mada. they lost their sore throats so easily. doubt they'd last a minute kboxing with us. yeah, the times where we sang till our throats threw the white flag out. those endless jumping around like monkeys and camwhoring. i still have the effin video. yes, the gay video of us singing, well more like screaming and jumping around. i miss spending time with the unprecedented lot of girls indubitably. the world is a lesser place without their presence. anyway, da. the world is fair huh? hahaha.

anyway when i went home, mommy started ranting like a giant about my financial incapabilities. that really ruined my mood. hence, i guess i was a little edgy while talking to baby. gonna apologise to him tomorrow.

and yes, i just had $500 as a christmas gift. but i won't get that cash. hahahaha. yes from my precious uncle jack. i've always loved him since young. he's really the nicest uncle you can ever get. a pity. he has it all, the looks, the brains, the money. but the world is fair. he doesn't have his health. young but always seemingly lethargic. life-time medication. sigh, i feel for him. and yeah, guess you're wondering why i won't get the cash. well it seems mommy's bank rejected the cheque she issued for uncle jack. and he just asked her to keep that $500 for me as my christmas present. and my mommy was grinning ear from ear when she told me the news. lolllllllll.

okay, i'm fucking tired. i'm going to bed. and i'm aching for some major kbox.

2007-12-22T17:39:00.000+08:00

whatthefuckdoyouwantmetodotomakeitallgoaway.

I came back feeling more positive than negative, but the moment i switched on my laptop. A dark feeling washed over me. Yay me. I simply got reminded how sucky my life is, and how pathetic I am in fact. The facade was blown off. Can I just turn back the hands of time to prevent all that is happening? Like oh my god. I feel so pathetic, yes. Pathetic is the word. How to feel happy? Whenever I feel happy, someone or something just reminded me of all the bad/negative stuffs in my life. & yes that really makes me feel "completed." Just as what everyone thinks. Suddenly I think I'm deprived of being happy. It's a crime, a sin, I'm not allowed to be happy. Because everytime when I'm happy, ~~bad things happened.~~ Can all the bad things just come get me NOW? All in one shot, so I can enjoy the happiness that every human being is entitled to?

I miss so many people. But guess what, the thought that a trio sounds better kinda turn me off.

I think I should just wallow in one corner at my pathetic life.

Genting pictures will be posted up another time I guess.

2007-12-17T09:42:00.000+08:00

okay, i'm gonna rant like some hussy pussy biatch. it's not like i wana make a big deal out of this or to be melodramatic. but seriously, i have an issue with originality. i mean, everyone should have a sense of individuality right! oh my god, that's why i despise, discriminate and look down on imitators, to put it in a more blatant way. copycats. gosh, they should just fuck off and die. it's like when you come out something of your own, and see people put it off as it's theirs, you'll just get major pissed off. and by chance, surfing through the net. i saw some random twit photocopied my whole profile. well, my previous layout's profile. word for word, and like one whole fucking long paragraph. urgh, makes me wana pull out my hair, no. HER HAIR. but i'll just let it pass i guess. since there's practically nothing i can do about it. to add on, i think her blog's dead. last entry was june. phfft. i just hate hate hate it when people do that. it's like they left their brain in the refridgerator. fuck it. just fuck it.

2007-12-17T00:38:00.000+08:00

There are somethings a girl can never forget;

watched alvin & the chipmunks. it's so effin hilarious, definitely worth 8 bucks. (: their voice is just so cuteeeeeeeee, makes me wana jump up ma seats and pinch their bushy cheeks. teehee. anyway, to date. most importantly is to find some reason to skip the swimming routine on wednesday and friday. cuz i won't be in singaporeeee. my first virgin trip with boy to genting. and i'm so outta cash, talking about genting. i feel like pulling ma hair out. she better give me a good deal, if i'd known earlier. wouldn't have told her i got rooms from transtar. phfft. staff's money also wana earn. like oh my god. whatever. oh yes, i've recieved my results. ain't that good. cuz i ain't got no A. like what the fuck. what's with the B(s) man. urghhhh. anyway.

TPS. where the fuck are you. been trying to contact you. don't go mia suicidal on me babe. missed you.

TPS you better, better. contact me.

2007-12-05T01:06:00.000+08:00

So hollow it engulfs me.

straight 25 episodes of the anime peach girl, it's a different version from the taiwan peach girl series. a very dramatic cum comedy series. certain scenes made my stomach churn from within, and my heart sour. very in fact. the feeling was so nostalgic. made my mind twirl for a moment and i started to reminisce. i brushed of that wave of dark feelings, and reminded myself such thoughts should be left right at the back of the brain, and such feelings should remain at the bottom of my heart. even better, they should be forgotten. for such painful memories brings experience that isn't essential to life. i hate it when my heart strings are tugged. i'm doing everything within my means to make sure they remain mine. for i've witnessed it's ~~wrath.~~ the more i try, the more empty i feel sometimes, when i stare at what's left of everything. in pieces, and threatening to dissipate.

i don't know how to make things right, how? so cold, so distant. all these just makes me wana leave things as it is, untouched. as it slowly all fades away like an awakening dream. but it isn't supposed to be this way, but how can i make things right? every step i try or attempt to take, you retreat even more. sometimes you even retreat before i attempt to reach you. it makes me sad, but it doesn't matters.

anyway, i watched the kingdom today. it was good. very. it's pretty sad how the world turns out to be. why can't everybody just live in harmony. i think that humans are one of the most amazing creatures in the world. we're categorized under homosapiens, despite the difference in us can measure up to an example of heaven and earth. different skin colours, hair colours, eye colours, height, weight, size. The more extreme ones is characters, religions, beliefs, etc.

haha, i'm being random again as usual. anyway, i took this little quizzy and it was pretty amazing. through really random animals, these questions can see what i prioritze in life. & mine is, love, money, career, family, pride. well, there's more but it's nothing much.

i just realised, love and hatred really is only a thin line of difference. the only reason you will hate, is because you loved it dearly. & the people you love and hate cannot be forgotten so easily. time may be a catalyst, but it's no doctor. let's just hope life is my doctor, and may the people i meet be my medicine.

2007-11-23T11:14:00.000+08:00

I just remembered what I wanted to blog. It was like yesterday, we went to school and study. I was whinning about the plugs, cuz ma lappy is running low on batt. Then the nice security guard invited us to the seminar room. He loan us the room secretly. TEEHEE. This is what happens when you are in good terms with people. You get free food from chefs, free seminar rooms from security guards. HAHA. Instead of studying we were like watching, uhmm. You know, hentai inside. AHAHAHAHAHAHA. SO LAME CAN. for fun la. then amanda suddenly laughed and said.

"i just remembered we are in SIM."

All three of us broke into laughter. Then we were bitching about some loser. I don't know how it started but we were like, saying alot of censored and obscene and mean stuffs, that you don't wana know. hahahaha. & when we left the room, we went to off the lights. It was freaking dimming, and I was like so anxious to get out, cuz I hate sudden black outs. And we were like staring at the dimming of lights. Cuz it stopped half way, and BOOM. BLACK OUT. and we fucking screamed. ROFL. Hahahaha, it's fucking hilarious lah. I grabbed tph and she was like wtf.

my school life is lame. but i enjoyed it, will enjoy it more, if SAM CHUA don't go homicidal on me. yes girlfriend, it means i miss you.

okay these are some pictures consolidated at the end of the day. hoho.

Labels: Little chef's first attempt to make prata. Try harder.

Labels: Second attempt. Reasonable.

Labels:Third attempt. Getting better!

Labels: SUCCESS. you've just been awarded with a huge fat smooch.

Labels: He's making sure I'm studying.

Labels: He's attempting to eat me up I swear.

Labels: He isn't a dispenser. The tags lied.

Labels: PATRICK IS LOVE. i love the one in the background too. :D

Labels: Proudly presents TPS. yayness! Same hair length.

Labels: She fucking bring all her hair forward to make hers longer, THANKS UH TPS.

Labels: She eats garlic for snacks.

Labels: Another miatard just came down to planet earth.

Labels: I love TPS :D

Labels: Loves.

Labels: SPOT MIKE. He stole 50 bucks from Amanda.

Labels: After two weeks, she appeared.

Labels: Don't ask me why, I don't know either.

Labels: "Patrick, I have a tummy has big as yours too."

Labels: My girlfriend.

Labels: That's sam's way of saying she's not a dog. LOL.

Labels: Friends.

Labels: I know I have an issue.

Labels: She's little miss donut head.

Okay, enough with all the bimbo-ness. I only know, my heart skipped when it was supposed to beat. Fuck it. Anyways.

DAR: Wait till exams are over kay? Heart you bestie.

Sam: You need to relax girl. Stay happy. I prefer a happy sam. :D Sorry about that day tho. Heart you.

Brown Brown: You need lotsa lotsa lotsa rest. And laughters, you sounded scary that night. But I still heart you. :D

TPS: You seriously should just fuck off and die. NAWH IM KIDDING. Heart you.

Amanda: *STARES* You fucking don't laugh when you're lying. OMFG. Pro. Heart you.

2007-11-12T21:55:00.001+08:00

Proudly presents krystal charn.

I remembered every story behind each and every of these pictures. Thinking back, I remembered I cried a river for you. Tears, slaps, laughters, we had it all. Our friendship was a twist of fate, but a sacred one. Yes, we've been through hell of a time. Scars unhealed, and more unhappy things follows. Yet, you're irreplaceable. Guess I have to walk down this path, to find you back and drag you along with me, to the final point. Our race isn't over my dear, far from over. To the moon and back again is the distance I'd go.

Proudly present daryll mackenzie goh.

We've been through alot, and when I said alot, it's nothing that you can comprehend. More than tears were shed. We are full of crap but we make it up with our other merits. Been through countless storms. There are times we almost bid our farewells. But lucky for us, we survived it all. Alive and kicking, here we are. He's always there, forever ready to lend a helping hand. He's god sent (: though sometimes i feeling like munching his head sometimes, i still heart him.

2007-11-09T23:33:00.000+08:00

I burn houses for a living.

I didn't have to walk to school alone today. :D
First time, I had someone walked me to school. Or you can put it as, no one walked me to my destination, despite it is out of their way. TEEHEE.

As usual, Sam didn't come to school. I don't know what's up with her seriously. She's been pretty irresponsible, playing the MIA stunt on us in a row. I can't be bothered to call her already. I don't wana look like I'm pestering her. Phffffttt.

Life just sucks when it's back to dad's. I feel like I'm grounded for one whole month. Sigh. And yes, I just met the bane(S) of my life. The two most ridiculous, unreasonable, irrational, unbelievable people in my life. & they share the same genes as me. Yes, the duo, my father and brother. I almost murdered my brother a while ago. He and his warped reasoning really drives me nuts. I feel like stabbing him like 7678264267592 times.

Life has taken me for a ride, a twisted one.

I need a chauffeur, one with brains. And not someone to take the back seat with me.

Time will tell.

This time, I'm relieved because. I won't look back, I know I won't forsake this to step into that seducing hole. Not this time, not now at least. Let's keep this up.

2007-11-06T21:37:00.000+08:00

Twisted sunflowers.

Just a while ago, i was burning with so much fury that my nostrils almost caught fire. My father did his stunt again. He's really a fucker. Okay, I shan't hang my dirty linens out. I'm feeling way better after spilling it out. I actually had so so much to blog. Wanted to just shout out loud here, but then again. Giving it a second thought, it's not really nice to talk about such stuffs. I seriously hate being the oldest. I don't wana give a flying fuck about all these nonsense seriously.

I'm just gonna club tmr. club club. then chill over. and slack. I LIKE BIG BEDS.
I hate my mattress now. I want a bed. I want a BIG BED.

I wana sleep. Bye.

2007-11-05T18:18:00.000+08:00

Paper hearts.

People usually introduced their boyfriends/girlfriends to their parents when they think the time is riped and right. For my case I only told my mom when we broke up. I didn't meant for it to happen this way, but it just did. It just didn't feel right. I'm not inexperienced or new to the affairs of the heart. But this is just how my heart works, it rejects what it cannot feel. I feel fast, I lose fast too. Anyway, I dreamt of ~~loser~~ last night. Yes, it just dawned upon me all of a sudden. What uncanny coincidence aye. In the dream he said alot, but too bad, I've forgotten the contents of the conversation, phfft. But it doesn't matters, he forgot to bring his brain out in reality. What more can he say during my dreams. When I say people don't bring their brains out, it means I really cannot fathom their actions. Doing stuffs that people without brains would do?

Okay, I'm gonna start whinning like jon.

WHY UH WHY UH WHY WHY WHY WHY UH WHY LYDAT UH?

Why are there always distorted weird people living among us UH. They forget to bring their brains out is it? Seriously, they have an issue man. Everytime I think I've changed alot, all I have to do is think about loser and I feel better. Because he has changed for the worst, the ultimate worst. I'm living a life better than that definitely.

But putting aside everything, at least. I have something to smile for, something to look forward to, well till date that is. lol.

I want thursday to arrive FASTER!

2007-11-03T09:22:00.000+08:00

You're burning out my dreams.

I kissed sam chua two days ago. and oh my god i like her lips. I kissed amanda too. her tongue was like super high agility luhhhh. hahaha. after sam went to her fencing, amanda and i were like bitching all over the place. loads of inside jokes. and amanda, have MOUTH ISSUES. omg. she made me laugh like a fucking mofo till i teared. she can do that "elephant shitting cum trumpet sound." LOL. gawwwwd. not only that, she can fucking smile until her upper lip disappeared. you can imagine how creepy that is. hahaha. they're seriously funny la. they made me laugh like some witch, and sam was trying to immitate me, HAHA, damn hilarious. if i had balls, they'd prolly rolled off by now.

I feel like a meanie now. prolly worst than a meanie. But you know what I am a meanie. But there are no laws when it comes to those right? So just, fuck it. lol.

And. Seriously. the world doesn't revolves around you. People don't owe you anything, you shouldn't just torture them when they don't meet up to your expectations. of course, you give them the priviledge and freedom to leave whenever they want to. but have you actually spared a thought that they wanted to stay yet you're giving them hell of a time? when you point your finger at someone, bear in mind the other four are pointing back at you. mixed emotions of anger and sadness blended in my burning heart. i enjoy your company, that's why i wana be with you. yet you make it seem like some kinda ~~game~~ here i have to pass all the levels and save the princess of the highest tower. you know what? a witch put her inside of that tower. and the witch, is the princess's ~~heart.~~ do you even get me? sigh. whatever.

2007-11-01T03:55:00.000+08:00

Fat people should just die.

Being fat is one thing, being fat and a fucker is another. Fat people just seriously be banned from clubbing. I know I'm fat but at least, I don't take up the space of two people on the dance floor. One cheebye fat girl keep pushing me a while ago. I was like staring at her already, she catch no ball. & still fucking shake her fats all over the place. Then there was this cheebye ang moh also. Almost made me fly off. We tried to pushed her back, but I guess her brain is the size of a pea. Despite shouting to her to fucking stop pushing, she was just simply oblivious.

GOOD NIGHT. I'm fcuking sleepy.

2007-10-29T23:16:00.000+08:00

UH OH.

Life is full of unexpected surprise, that streak just simply don't end just there. Like a river, it's flowing endlessly. When little things pieced up together, amazingly, they form something beautiful. It's the little things that matter sometimes. But the question is, to be or not to be. If it isn't meant to be, it will never be. Miracles do happen? Put a sock in it. Even if they do happen, trust me. They do more harm at the end of the day.

Little did I expected it would be that way, well it did. Everything that I didn't expected, happened. Like whatever LUH.

Abruptly they came, miraculously we bonded, unfortunately it wasn't there to stay.

What happened just kept flashing through my mind, the blood rush and everything else.

2007-10-27T00:19:00.000+08:00

fuck life.

I hate halloween. pphhffttt.
i'm so not gonna do halloween.

i hate school.
i hate that fatso.
i hate projects.
i hate my grades.

i feel like some deranged erratical housefly.

dung shit fat fart cum poo faeces rubbish junk garbage fuck.
i'm feeling vulgar.
good night.

2007-10-23T22:12:00.000+08:00

Being superficial.

All that was ambiguous isn't anymore I guess. I'm being elusive with facts, hoping was what I did, and disappointment was what I reaped. I should just come in terms with facts, embrace reality.

Bunch of losers. You go well together.

2007-10-20T00:15:00.000+08:00

The surface.

Too many times I lost control of my facial expressions. Unintentionally I portrayed the opposite. It's like I get so engrossed for the moment and my brain simply forget to deliver the appropriate response. Delivery of information to my brain is delayed, thus intention and response gets delayed and filtered. & that is defined as slow, in homosapiens terms, retarded. hahahaha. Yes, I take like 10 seconds more to fully understand what you're trying to say. When everyone is done laughing, I'll laugh. Absurd reflexes.

Sulaimi wanted to find a camo pants. The one I was wearing the other day.

Baby: Does this looks like the one she wore the other day?
Sulaimi: Mhmm, I think so.
Baby: It's hers, yeah.
Sulaimi: Yeah.
Me: yeah! It's hers, it's hers.

*everyone stares at me*

Me: Err.. Oh.

*everyone laughs*

Yes, they wanted to buy my pants, & I was like yeah it's her. DUH it's mine la.

Like whatever lah? hahahahaha.

And so much more cans. Today I'm retarded. They kept cracking jokes and I always have to ask em to elaborate, and end up. I'm the joke. What a joke. Everyone ended up using indirect speech when speaking to me, phffft. but it's funny lah, hahahahaha.

Today I revealed too much at Sri Maju. They will be gossiping. Christian said something vulgar. & Jane thought it was baby and directed a hostile remark towards him ): Luckily baby controlled himself and things didn't get messy. I think the world needs a chill pill. It's such a strain in life if you take things so seriously. But I understand when you get old, your sense of humor starts to rot. You start to get naggy, your fashion sense drop, so on so forth. That's why I'm so afraid to grow old. I wana go to Never Never Land. So I won't grow up. =3

2007-10-18T21:14:00.000+08:00

The curtains I'd hide inside.

deep inside, i'm aware.
despite my outlandish declarations, i'll try to make it right.

2007-10-14T10:42:00.000+08:00

I'm having the hots for androgynes.
No I'm not in love with sam chua.
I'm in love with her the way I should but not the way you think.

Say hi to my black hair at the end of the month.

bid goodbye to that ~~annoying flabby tyre.~~ because little miss tranny found her source of motivation. *cackles*

FYI: you have the chains, the key, the unauthorized ability. because what's mine isn't mine anymore.

you don't believe it because it's the truth but it becomes the truth because you believe it, get it? self denial helps sometimes, because the ambiguity of it all thrown at my face hurts sometimes. i just don't want to think.

& I seriously seriously seriously need to bring my organizer wherever I go. I keep forgetting my schedules. Like what the fuck can. Urgh. Carissa, you need to be much more organized. Please fucking make full use of your organizer.

2007-10-13T23:04:00.000+08:00

♥ birthday bash. :D:D

Birthday Bash for our two little princesses. (: both of you are much loved. Movies. Starbucks. Paragon. Camwhoring. Swensens. STEAK. Danny. Candles. Ice-cream. Foam. Laughter. More laughter. Finally, love and home sweet home.

i'm such a bad photographer. didn't managed to capture enough images. phhffftttt.

True friends friends grow separately but never apart.

2007-10-12T23:50:00.000+08:00

Heart strings tugged.

Sweetest sinful indulgence. :D It's too sweet for somebody, but perfectly fine for me! :D

Focus on munchy donuts please.

Love the food. Food is sex man. The love. (: I'm aware I'm such a glutton. Proud of it OKAY. I know I'm fat, but that's proof i enjoy life. HAHA. So please stop poking my tummy. Anyway, watched a basketball match at kovan just now. I enjoyed it, how people try to always do some funny stunts without getting a foul. Makes me wana play basketball! & yes I will, next sunday. I MIAed on MIB for very long. Time to sweat. If not uhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I'll get my head munched off. Thats what happens when fit people, and unfit people get together. Phfft.

PS: Sorry bestfriend, will do the entry tmr. (: heart you.

& I seriously don't know how I can live on after tmr. ):

Goodnights :D

2007-10-10T01:36:00.000+08:00

The only reason I will leave is because you ask me to.
Not because you didn't make me stay.

Thats how it was, and how it will always be.
Deshou?

But it seems like you feel otherwise.

2007-10-08T04:25:00.000+08:00

♥ Keep feeding me with denial and hate.
From that I will create .

Double standards is just the "IN" thing nowadays. Seriously. Just like how the emo trend has taken control of the fashion industry. Like what baby said, if you don't have any style, just adopt the emo trend and you won't go wrong. (Btw, I friggin dislike minahs.) Not much relevance, but oh well as long as I see the hidden agenda it's okay. Practically everyone is having the double standard gene in them. Maybe I have, but then again, I might not because I (CENSORED)...Just in case someone gets the wrong idea. I should heed Andy's advice. Filtering is a must in life. & yes thank you Andy. Maybe I should just do what Sam did, and get a "okay bye" response. Hahaha. Just kidding. No big deal, but still it's a deal. It still means something.

Any oh how, congratulate on daryll for getting a new girlfriend. (: And what a memorable day. I had like what. A fire brigade, and 4 police car making their way below some multi-story carpark. And had my statement taken because some stupid civilian has nothing better to do and dialled for help. Thinking we are gonna light up the whole multi story carpark into flames with some puny candles. THANK YOU UH AUNTIE. I'm not being cek ak auntie. I mean it. THANKS to you, daryll is not leaving. (: Although the fire brigade and the police cars is a little too hot for me.

Sigh. I'm feeling so lazy can. Too lazy to even move. It's always people moving me. Haha. But still, thanks lah. Thanks to people who gave me a push while I was dwindling and lazing around. I just can get so emo and lazy sometimes. But that doesn't mean I don't get the job done! I'm so lazy to post up pictures. Next time luh.

Bee sting. Usually this word reminds me of a joke between me and someone but now it reminds me of sulaimi. HAHA. fucking dimple boob thingy. EEEEEWWWWWW.

And I think I miss geoff. HAHA.

& yes there's two birthdays this month. Woo-hoo. I'm lazy but then again WHEEEEEEEEEEE* Time is tight tho :(( That restricts alot of stuffs. I mean I can skip school luh. But also no point. Because timing isn't right for everyone. Maybe for the second one I'll leave school early. (: Okay It's 5am. Brain cannot function. Good night!

2007-10-05T05:46:00.000+08:00

♥Nothing's wrong.
But everything isn't right .

I've been an asshole recently, and I seriously don't care. Life's been pretty shitty to me and I'm sucking it all up like a man. Resulting in me being temperamental and functioning way too erratically. So if I may seriously fuck you up sometimes, I'm sorry. I have my bad times too alright. I'm not trying to behave like some juvenile bitch trying to make a big deal out of her screwed up life.

Despite all that, I still have a few laugh out louds. It helps to alleviate but that doesn't mean I'm perfectly fine. I'm just trying to deal it within myself. Which makes me pretty languorous. I'm not facing some major setbacks. But I'm not in the right state to deal with things.

I really don't know how to put things across in a less detrimental way. Because you are bothered to get affected but don't bother to improvise.

I think I need a punching bag. Majorly.

2007-10-02T02:08:00.001+08:00

♥ We both still care,
so we're still alive .

that's baby getting all hyped up over his gift. (: no details. daryll shot me with sarcasm. anyway i don't know what to update. slightly weathered, slightly worn by the recent events. the tide has calmed, and let's pray that things will stay this way. i hate it when things get complicated and people start to bug me. sometimes i just want to be left A.L.O.N.E yes, alone.

i could never imagined that i'd like to be alone. hahahaha. life is such a wonder, nono. let's say homosapiens are such wonders.

oxygen can ignite and distinguish a flame.
it decides a flame's existence.
with or without, to cease or to exist.
the reason you smile is also the reason you cry.
the very thing that makes you, is also the thing that breaks you.
how contradicting. worlds apart, yet only a thin line of difference.
that's how cruel reality is.

my twisted sunshine.

FULLSTOP. i'm being too poetic today.

you're still my gift, my curse.

2007-09-26T03:09:00.000+08:00

♥ are you thinking of me tonight?

I'm still feeling like a child. I wana be free from all the problems of the world. I'm refusing to grow up, because growing up is taking in more responsibility. Yes, I know I'm not being practical. Being practical, being mature, is a burden. A burden you refuse to carry but you know you must. I feel imprisoned by my own humanity. I hate that. I'm not one who will bow to such circumstances, yet I know my 19 years of life has not been spent in vain. For I myself clearly know my obligations, and the need to satisfy as such.

People do change. Humanity is forever changing, evolving. Be it good or bad, some things just won't stay the same. Which makes them so hard to fathom. It's like you can never to be too sure or something or someone. To live like that is such a chore.

I've definitely changed.

I used to hate milk. But now, magnolia's low fat milk is okay for me.
I used to hate brinjals. But somehow or rather I like them now.
I used to hate smoking. I'm not loving it but yes I do smoke occasionally. I'm not gonna say I'm smoking because I'm stressed out. (I used to think this excuse is pathetic.) But I just like the feeling of getting my brain stimulated.

There are many more that I've changed. Not only in habits, but in mentality. Things I once was not able to fathom, I could now. I changed many perspectives I used to have. Yes, we really do change drastically, and quickly. It's kinda sad though.

But despite this vicious cycle of humanity. There are somethings that never changed. Time is never a doctor, it's only a catalyst. Some stuffs can never be forgotten nor erased. They are just haunting in the depths of your heart, waiting to re-surfaced. & occasionally they really will.

& when that happens, your thoughts run wild. All the logic and rationality you built up starts crumbling. For the ambiguous situation starts to eat you up slowly. Then you start to seek answers. Answers you may never affirm for if someone wants to hide something, oh yes they can. If they mean to, you will never find out. For one's actions may not reflect one's mind. Humanity is like a stage. Where everyone is masquerading in disguise, building their impenetrable wall of defenses.

good night.

2007-09-25T03:59:00.001+08:00

♥ live in your dream.

East coast with sam after dinner with baby. She brought me to this secluded carpark. where headlights are supposed to be off, as the so called, "unstated but understood rule." & uh huh, I see many cars with newspaper covering the windows. damn fucking lame lahhhhh. hahahaha. can't believe people actually USE newspaper. It's just frigging insane can. & i peed twice behind a tree. HAHAHA. it was urgent, i can't help it kay. lolllll.

we chatted major, contents are very general, but censored. (:

the future is nothing without the past, for the past makes the future. then again, to cling onto the past is to turn a blind eye to the future. it's no easy feat to live for the future when the future is made up of the past. for to live in the past, is to have no future. contradicting uh?

somtimes i just feel like a loser.

she said: the two most miserable things in life is to not be able to get what you wanted, and to already have what you wanted.

i think life's a bitch. always confusing us. i need to discipline my emotions. and use my head everytime i attempt to use my heart.

mhm, sam was nice to hang out with me when she knew i was feeling kinda down. she sent me home too, despite we went all the way to east coast. :D:D

alot of shit happened today. major. sigh..
but i'm feeling better already. (:

2007-09-23T01:26:00.001+08:00

♥ you make me believe.

Our contract!

Retards in action.

:D:D

She's one cool chix.

Never gonna let you go.

My personal potato couch.

My addict.

Candy camera.

My official rider.

Fashion statement of the month.

Went to their jamming session again today. It was loud, mhm. Vibrations everywhere, from the drums, speakers. But the one thing that vibrated the most today, was my crowned stomach. Crying out loud. Hahaaa. We then went to marina and chilled major. Seriously, Geoff really cracks me up. Camwhored major. We actually climbed out to some roof right on top of the hotel. I wanted to take pictures! But effin security guards were shinning their torchlights on us. :((( Damn. It was quality pictures if taken. Oh we will go back there one day. Hoho.

KAY KAY. I'm fucking tired.
Good nights.

2007-09-22T00:00:00.001+08:00

♥ i'm here waiting for you to call my name.

I seriously hate my hair.
I need to do something about it.

& yes i love the girls. They said Carissa was never initiative. :( Double-standards. Let's not get into it, it's gonna be more detrimental rather than improvising. Okay, the more I look at my fringe, the more I hate it. Urghs.

Anyway yesterday I chilled with SAM SAM. Then later went down to find daryll. Chatted major, hope things will clear up. I just don't make sense when you're not here. Heart you my bestfriend. Then sam brought me out for kawfee, we chatted till like 5.30am. She's so nice. Drives me around and send me home. heart you too.

This explosive streak of mine has to end, before I seriously get into trouble. I'm just not making sense anymore. Keep it simple. Keep it to yourself. I don't want to turn into some giant ranting all around like some hussy pussy wussy. Urgh.

Things just refuse to fall in place uh. I need to like make a mental note and discipline my thoughts. Its all topsy turvy. I need some rest..

2007-09-20T00:34:00.001+08:00

♥ the stars don't lie.

highlights on you baby,,

i'm a sleepy head. and i'm gonna sleep like a log now.

2007-09-19T01:37:00.000+08:00

♥ one girl, one boy, two hearts, their world.

today someone was such a worrypot and stoned on me major. ruined the atmosphere. but then again, he was just concerned. in fact, very very very very concerned. its evident because instead of like nagging at me. he started of from himself. TRICKKKKKKKKKK right baby. tactic uh. but it worked alright. coz i know he truly cares. baby i'm giving you credits here, bribe me please. lol.

and baby made me grinned even tho we couldn't chat on phone tonight. i think his mom added sugar while she fed him with milk.

HUGS.

oh where have you gone to. i need something solid. you do know you are part of my equation. if not i won't make sense anymore.

2007-09-18T01:13:00.000+08:00

♥ the world is for ours to take.

I hope this dream last.

2007-09-16T07:32:00.000+08:00

♥ Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.

Yesterday brought the beginning, tomorrow brings the end, but somewhere in the middle we've become best of friends. Friendship is what gets you through the bad times and helps you enjoy the good times. Yet here am I in a situation where all these starts to falter. To read between the lines and figure the hidden agenda behind all those emo scenes is really not my cup of tea.

The most beautiful discovery that true friends can make is that they can grow separately without growing apart. And goodbyes are never last words of any conversations between real friends. Then what's up with this facade that we are masquerading in? Indeed, I doubt you, but I believe in our friendship. Do not let what's left of it crumble into pieces.

I can't fanthom your actions. You preach those sayings of the past by the dead, yet you refused to hear my plea. Insignificant sayings of the past in contrast with what you still have in front of you. You chose to turn your back, convincing yourself all this is worthwhile. The ends do not justify the means my dear. It is wrong to just blindly achieve the ends, and be oblivious to the hurt you caused on the way. To carissa, hurt is hurt. There's no degree of hurt to me.

Then again, your words. It's always so commercial. Who knows, who they are meant for.

2007-09-15T20:46:00.001+08:00

♥ you're the closest to heaven i'll ever get.

i should not get anymore reds because it makes my brain go squishy squashy. but it's okay to have it once in a while but it's either ultra lights or menthol the next time baby. and i'm getting camal for baby. :3

you know what. i need some major beauty sleep. those sleepless nights are beginning to appear literally on my face. you know what i mean. and a little dreaming might just help falter that insomniac eyes of mine.

2007-09-15T01:14:00.001+08:00

♥ a whole new perspective.

yay me for being able to see how they jam. (: makes me wonder how those little fingers can make their way to an amazing feat of music. such insignificant fingers which makes like what, 10% of our whole body, could tune out some serious shit. i think my fingers would be in knots if i ever attempt such feat.

and yay me for passing my exams. *gives myself a sloppy kiss* HAHA.
let's fucking pray the results from the portal is not an overall, if not. there goes my cash reward.

they say when one door closes, another opens. it's true. but i want both doors open. imma force that door that closed down on me. you don't fucking slam at my face hokay. my ego's in the way, but then again. no one leaves carissa hanging like that and play the hero part. no one. you'd have to eat my middle finger to pull that off.

I NEED THAT CASH REWARD. *emphasizes*

i want my river island jeans and belt.
i want my black tees.
i want my sneakers.
i want my bag.

TEEHEE.

the world is a lesser place without you. at least, in my world. *puts a million smiley faces here*

2007-09-13T23:51:00.000+08:00

♥ welcome to my life.

When all is said and done, you are part of me. That's the way it was meant to be. People are brought together for a reason, everything happens for a reason. I believe the reason that you and me were brought together was because we complete one another. We fill in each other's missing spots with love. And if someday God decides to tear us apart, I trust that there is a reason. Cause if there is a reason for love, there is a reason for life beyond it.

2007-09-13T00:48:00.000+08:00

♥ you just saved my day, superman.

i met someone for the first time through someone's closet. that's like the best introduction ever, EVER. there's always a first, but such experience is seriously not needed. oh well, skip the details. i always flinch whenever this scene replay in my mind. then the gayest thing happened, i saw my sis underneath my block, at the worst & wrong time ever. she's the last person i wana see at this time, uhhhh hang on. not worst, daddy would be worst. so she'd be penultimate. haha. never mind, then my brother saw me at the worst and wrong time ever TOO. it's not like I'M naked or anything kay, but just... oh fuck it. never mind, then the next person is my mom. i always see her at times i'd pray i'd never. it is indubitably and fucking coincidental that all this can happen in like 2 days? uh, no in fact 1 day, because it happened after midnight. what a nerve wrecking day. but looking back, that adrenaline rush was ecstatic, it churns my stomach in such a bittersweet way.

and guess what i used to think god's unfair, not that i believe in god but if i were to label it as life. i'd contradict myself again, because life IS unfair. no matter how fortunate a person can be, they will have some misfortune to balance and support the logic that no one is perfect. let's see, a dick would make a good gauge. HAHA. you may be a loser, but hey, you have a big dick to enjoy whatever's left of your life which isn't like a loser or something. OR. you may be some major pop star, but you just happened to hit the guinness world's record of having the smallest dick. you get what i mean? i'm not being dickhead here but i can put across this fact clearly through this dickish analogy of mine. (:

and today i was a chimney pot that got high. POO POO. okay that sounds like a train, oh whatever.

TMR IS JUDGEMENT DAY. prolly doom's day for me tho.

and yes, besides putting on braces i found another way to curb that massive appetite disorder of mine. today it was 6 sticks and a half.

2007-09-09T21:27:00.000+08:00

♥ Cupid's arrow.

“Love comes when manipulation stops; when you think more about the other person than about his or her reactions to you. When you dare to reveal yourself fully. When you dare to be vulnerable.”

my unprecedented leap of faith.

2007-09-08T23:38:00.002+08:00

♥ And tonight the dawn swallowed me whole.

I passed my mosquito bite to her. LOL.

Hoon and Kovi bullying me :((

look at what the retard homies did.

MY DINNER. :D

random dot com

i was being gay, stomping on calvin's foot.

She wanted to run away with he bill!

Fish & Co. WOO.

Candid!

Thy Missys.

Whackos at wild.

YAY people. :DD

The supressed moronic side of me re-surfaced and exploded. I was uber retard today. To the max. It was fun, very fun. I'm too tired to update. Will update tmr in details. NIGHTS.

hugs&kisses.

2007-09-08T00:38:00.001+08:00

♥ My heart can't fathom your actions.

this is OUR dinner. (: being daddy's little cute girls, we had extra allowance. and we just don't know how to waste our money. we walked into cafe cartel and it was awfully quiet. well sometimes it really pays(literally) to be kind. being extremely gorgeous gourmets, we decided to splurge and help cafe cartel out a little.

HIGHLIGHTS!

MY FAVE: American Cheese Cake.

KRYSTAL's fave: Top-notch yummy wedges.

The Pork Ribs that made us sick.

The creamy cookies&cream milkshake! Irresistable! I stole a few mouths, thus the half fucked picture. lol.

this is us, surrendering with our funky white flags. HAHA. food was too good, we couldn't finish.

Aftermath of the pork ribs... are...........

okay. i'm beat. NIGHTS.

PS: if you're wondering where the rest of the food went to, we donated it to charity. :D

2007-09-06T23:53:00.000+08:00

♥ I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.

UNI UNI UNI UNI <3>

i hate this dish. :( i hate this fish.

this picture is supposed to focus on my uni sushi.. not that fat pig behind.

and, look at the bill. holy moly. this dinner equals my allowance for this month. well, there were supposed to be more pictures. but hunger got the better of me, i forgot to take pictures, only after i started eating, then i realised. hoho.

wifey asked me to wear a dress tmr. but you know what, i don't have dresses. i have dresses, but they are not meant for wearing. lol. well, maybe. when i'm having one of my girly vainpot peroids again, i might go get a decent dress. :DD

and today i realised. i hate chasing buses. i don't chase at all. even though i could chase and save time from waiting. i'd pick the latter. i just think running after a bus is gay. lol.

GOOD NIGHTS.

2007-09-05T19:06:00.001+08:00

♥ When I see your smile, and know it's not for me, that's when I'll miss you.

why can't we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together? i guess that wouldn't work. someone would leave. someone always leaves. then we would have to say good-bye. i hate good-byes. i know what i need. i need more hellos. then again, goodbyes will always follow. all good things must come to an end for nothing last forever. sigh, why am i so contradicting.

i've been whining about people leaving nowadays. i guess i'm too paranoid. i should just pop a chill pill. and sometimes, i really wana murder my daddy, he's so unreasonable at times. i hate it when people self proclaimed their words as the law. it's really irritating how one can be so arrogant. grrrr.

2007-09-04T23:35:00.000+08:00

♥ Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out alive.

there's supposed to be more pictures. but some asshole ignored me for the whole day because he didn't wana send me pictures with him not being absolutely PERFECT in it. fucking vainpot.

dreamin. says:

i really wan others pic~~

carissa; ❤ says:

u think i dowan meh

carissa; ❤ says:

he ji tao IGNORE ME whole day leh

dreamin. says:

carissa; ❤ says:

i just now SO ANGRY u know.

carissa; ❤ says:

i said daryll dont fuck around

carissa; ❤ says:

just send i promise i wont post out the ugly ones

carissa; ❤ says:

i say don gay la, last time ugly i oso send

carissa; ❤ says:

i said dont piss me off.

carissa; ❤ says:

HE SAID

carissa; ❤ says:

go ahead and get pissed.

carissa; ❤ says:

WAH DEN HE MIA

carissa; ❤ says:

CHEEEEEEEEE.

dreamin. says:

...

dreamin. says:

LOL

dreamin. says:

he is sooo

dreamin. says:

LOL

carissa; ❤ says:

YA LAH

carissa; ❤ says:

NO GUYS CAN WIN HIM MAN

carissa; ❤ says:

VAINPOT TO THE MAX

dreamin. says:

ya lor ya lor

HAHAHAHAHAHA.

btw sam pasted alot of quotes to me last night. hearts baby. all her quotes were lovely, but this one caught my eye, alot.

"Yes I love him. I love him more than anything else in this world and there is nothing that I would like better than to hold on to him forever. But I know it's not for the best. So no matter how much my heart is going to break, I've got to let him go so he can know just how much I love him. Maybe if I'm lucky, he'll come back, but if not, I can make it through this.”

hoho. there's no fucking hidden agenda in this quote kay.

all good things must come to an end. this, i've come in terms with already.

and i wana beat up angry monkey! :( he said people who go to chinatown are OLD PPL. and coincidentally, i was having porridge with olive shreds and preserved "chai xim". -_- fine, i'm an elderly hokay, happy mr angry monkey? :P have fun with this elderly then. hoho.

AND AND AND AND AND..

i so very much wanted to get this bag, yes i know. it's girly. but i just can't supress that girly side of me sometimes. most of the time i'm a guy, but hello. i have my girly vainpot peroids sometimes too. but when i asked krystal for her opinions, it seems. FAKE HIME SAMA has it too. so i'm not gonna buy it. HMPF.

okay, i'm officially gayed, cuz today was a BAD day. thanks ah, bestfriend.

2007-09-03T23:58:00.000+08:00

♥ loving means giving some part of you away.

today was awesome. it's like a whole new memory evolved. that adrenaline cum ecstatic rush was just good. i know i'm over reacting. but. plain jane just happened to be happy today. something that was buried in time, surfaced today. but sadly, it's not gonna be forever. maybe god just pitied me, and allowed me to feel such, moments again. i believed it will turn out very well, definitely better than the previous one. pfft. i believe it will blossomed into something great, but time and distance is our enemy. *MAJOR FROWNS*

:(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

and yes, fucking daryll keep saying i'm fat. every word, every sentence, everything he said. has a hidden agenda of me being fat, going along with sarcasm of course. and yes, her job is to laugh and laugh and join in the fun. i don't know why people love to make fun of me. i think it just makes them high. teasing carissa just simply makes people climax i think.

i'd love to upload some photos, cuz i have so many. but stupid daryll just MIA-ed on me and went for supper with juzjuz. so. i'm gonna kill him when he comes home.

anyway here's some random pictures for the past few days.

The best moments in reading are when you come across something - a thought, a feeling, a way of looking at things - which you had thought special and particular to you. And now, here it is, set down by someone else, a person you have never met, someone even who is long dead. And it is as if a hand has come out, and taken yours. - taken from the history boys movie.

2007-09-02T23:55:00.000+08:00

♥ i don't wana go through this ever again.

and to think that i believed that i'd be fine even if the world comes crashing down on me. because i had you. it was you who picked the pieces up, when i was a broken soul. and then glued me back together, what others stole. but today, i realised. i'm going to have to go through this alone, yes alone. the one thing that i'm most dreadful of. today, it isn't about the world crashing down, it's how reality just slapped me. i know i'm being an awful baby throwing tantrums, but i don't play pretend. i just can't bring myself to smile and say everything's gonna be okay. because it isn't. it will never be okay.

why must all good things come to an end? everytime you give someone a piece of you, you give them the ability to break you, and then they leave. people always leave. it's a vicious cycle we have to come in terms with. it engulfs you whole, and eat you up from the inside slowly. and only you can save yourself.

why must people leave. why can't they just stay. i know the answers yet i'm asking them, hoping for someone to tell me it isn't so. the one who's leaving always feels better. because people who leave, usually have something in store for them, something to look forward to. but the ones left behind can only look back, shackled to a memory.

i believe in friends, because they won't leave as easily as how lovers do. when shit happens, and you break up. it's done and over, and they don't give a fuck.
end of the day, i just need someone. and i want to be needed.

love is not the hidden agenda between my lines by the way.

2007-08-31T11:57:00.000+08:00

♥ tonight i'll dream.

people always say, things that come easily goes away easily. it's true. but the thing is, who said that it won't come back? as easy as they come and go, as easy as they return too. some people stay, some people leave. and some, come and go like the wind. but what matters most is those who walk you through life. isn't it?

millions of people live beneath this expensive sky. and they all harbour a myriad of wishes and feelings. those feelings sometimes touch, and collide with other people's feeling. but within some of those people are even deeper ties that surely connect them all together. and so these feelings chronicles the magic of life....... love.

i just wana run along to the other chapter of my life. as this door closes, the ghost of everything i once held dear can just move on. if it takes a 1000 steps to reach you, i'd take 1001 steps, just to be a little closer.

and i fucking have a fetish for grey tees and medium rare steak.
FASTER COME OUT angry monkey. (:

2007-08-30T23:05:00.001+08:00

♥ laughing is like having an orgasmic rush.

yesterday was an emo day for us. we went to clarke quay to chill but ended up clubbing. and all it takes was a bloody glass of volka lime to make him leave the club. and yes, he vomited, literally. he could take half a jug of volka ribenna, but he couldn't take half a glass of volka lime. daryll, you're so random. ANYWAY, i was screaming to help him get a girl's number. both our girls-radar was up. scanning. but none :( we wanted to go for this fat thigh lady, but daryll changed his mind. hawhaw. then daryll gayed and tried to be smart by helping me get a guy's number. and he bloody succeeded cause it just happened so that, that guy was being abandoned by his friends. his friends couldn't make it, leaving him dangling alone outside mos. and so, we three hung out, clubbed, chilled, and went home.

and yes. what's up with people insisting that a guy and a girl can never be bestfriends? i mean, like hello. what's wrong with that? is romance the only thing that can happened between a man and a women? well, apparently, NO. if you have that mindset, than sorry to inform you that, you've yet to experience life. there's much more to life than romance. i'm not trying to sound like i'm fucking experienced, and there's no hidden agenda in whatever i'm trying to prove okay. but i just hate superficial people, they are so shallow. when you really been through shit, and been so down in life, you'll get to see that life is so unpredictable. life's is so random and unpredictable, like putting one bullet into a gun, at your head. not knowing, when will you trigger the one with the bullet it in. if i were to have a boyfriend, and he'd have to accept both my bestfriends. if not byebye.

and i can't believe that she actually asked me if i'm staying over with him when i told her i'm sending him home. and to think we are from the poh family. RAWR.

people who try to judge me when they think they know all about me, please eat my middle finger. knowing some inside stuffs related to me doesn't give you an edge of knowing who i am, please don't fucking try to even interpret my actions, my blog. i'm not for you to comprehend, and i doubt you can. my mantra is idiosyncratic and my actions are paradoxical, so. don't bother trying.

ANYWAY, i'm fucking charging my credit card like it's free. GAYYYYYYYY. vivo-ed with mommy today, she wanted to buy a top. but she didn't, however i ended up getting a zara top. HEARTS. and i think i'm having a fetish for grey tops. all kinds of shade, darker ones preferred though. i don't believe in shopping spree, because you can never get what you want. and because you came out to shop, you'll be reluctant to return empty handed, and will end up spending on something you don't really want that much.

bah, now i just need to fucking earn money, get away from my dad, slim down, and satisfy my piercing fetish. :D

2007-08-28T23:18:00.000+08:00

♥ free those chains.

been feeling pretty screwed. pondering over issues like, finance, studies, and my life. i just don't understand how life can screw me up so badly. or is it that i'm being paranoid. everything just doesn't seem right. i know i have a brain and i have to use it, but sometimes i just wana let my brain go on holiday, or on hibernation and stuffs like that. in the mean time act like a retard, free from all this nonsense. and they just won't let me.

and oh please let me pass my fucking maths. if not troubled days will be far from over. and yay carissa, soon you're gonna have a 17 year old kid teaching you maths. how brilliant. i need to run away, seriously. i need to find a way to get out of here. i don't want to have my holidays ruined just like that.

and yes, sam loves to exposing carissa and holding criminal's hands and laugh.
she's a bimbo for today, cuz she got influenced by that "auntie" friend of hers.

carissa: carbs are calories's bestfriend.
sam: no, they are husband and wife.

HAHA.

i love life, but i hate ~~mine.~~